Especially in christian circles, its easy to become tangled up in the idea that it's our responsibility to stop people from doing things we think are bad for them. ie. make a direct personal intervention that uses the maximum power we posses to prevent that event from occuring.
A more non-consequentialist, or existentialist approach would probably suggest that any intervention or influence at all is purely selfish (but that selfishness might be a good reason anyway).
Stephen Covey, in 7 habits of highly effective people, outlines some very interesting patterns that can be observed as we try and influence and control the things in our life. Covey suggests that there are many many things in our lives that we are concerned with or about. He draws a big circle around these things and calls it our 'circle of concern'.
He then suggests that there is a smaller group of things within those things we are concerned with or about, that we are able to respond to. He calls this our circle of influence. Some of the things within this circle, we are only able to affect in small ways, with others: we are personally and individually responsible for their control.
He goes on to describe the way that our actions affect the size of our circle of influence... and in so doing outlines a fundemental law of human interaction and social psychology. The way that we use our influence either earns, or burns, our right to influence further.
If we are pro-active in the way that we use our influence, doing the things that we can do, and not worrying about the things we can't do, and aren't responsible to change, then as time goes by, we increase our personal problem solving resources, and we increase people's trust and confidence in us... and our circle of influence grows.
If conversely, we either do nothing about the things we are responsible for, or we try to control things that we have no right to control, then our personal problem solving resources are damaged and depleted, and we loose people's trust and confidence, and our circle of influence rapidly shrinks.
So if you feel as though your friends value and respect your input, and want you around even when you need to bring negative or critical energy, you can be fairly confident you are working effectively within your circle of influence, and trust and relationship will continue to grow.
If however you feel as though your friends avoid telling you the details of what is occuring in their lives, and appear disinterested and distant from your 'verry important' advice... perhaps its worth asking yourself, "am I trying to control something I only have the right to infleunce?" or even "am I trying to influence something I haven't earned the trust to discuss?"
This is a life law, not something that people do or enforce. When we get this wrong, we alienate ourselves from people, and them from us. When we get it right love flows freely between us.
You cannot break the law, you can only break yourself against it.
